What it's Like to Start Over in a New City
Remember that moment in college, after you’ve settled into your freshman dorm, your parents just hugged you goodbye for the last time and you’re all by yourself and thinking…shit. What now? Well that’s kind of what it’s like when you move to a new city as an adult. The reality of permanently moving your life to a place where you don’t know a soul hits hard…only this time you’re not at school where everyone else is in the same boat. It’s one of those moments of utterly paralyzing fear that I highly recommend you try to experience as many times as possible in your lifetime. Why? Because every time you move past these moments of fear, you become more of the person you’ve always wanted to be.
When you know it’s time to make the move.
After graduating college, I had a great life in Chicago in my twenties. I had a glam career in food and travel PR, and a group of tight-knit girlfriends who had rode the ups and downs of that tumultuous decade with me, for better or worse. I loved being able to wake up, text the group and quickly gather in someone’s apartment or over brunch and rehash the previous night’s drama. Or, sometimes just lounge on a couch eating Chipotle and watching scary movies.
Yet, as I approached my 30th birthday, I made the scary decision to reflect on where I actually saw my life going. I am a midwestern gal, and Chicago was an easy next step after graduating from college in Ohio. But, I knew in my heart I didn’t see myself living in the midwest forever. I wanted sunshine and sand — so, I settled on San Diego as my next home.
All that said, big milestone birthdays are kind of like breakups — you make rash decisions to help cope with the inevitable reality of getting older or having to move on. Whether it’s a radical new haircut (you do not need bangs) or a cross-country move, you don’t need to wait for these times to reflect on what you want in life. Listen to your intuition and when you start to feel antsy or unfulfilled, really think about why you’re feeling those feelings to get down to the solution. If moving feels right, think about what is missing in your current locale, or where you’ve always dreamed of living.
the actual starting over part
Tabula Rasa
One of the blessings of starting over in a new city is the blank slate from which you start. You have the opportunity basically create your dream life. That was my goal when I moved to San Diego. One of the hardest parts is putting yourself out there to meet the people you want to surround yourself with in this new place. At first, I used dating apps, and ended up in a whirlwind romance for a couple months. Once we discovered we weren’t right for each other, I realized I needed to prioritize the things that make me happy, and find the friends who valued those things too.
Living Your Best (New) Life
So after some initial heartbreak (don’t worry, I got over it real quick), I got out my journal and wrote out a list of things I wanted to do in San Diego that I thought would make me happy. I listed more hikes, beach volleyball, live music, good wine - and then I committed to living it out. The reality of starting over someplace new is that you will be spending a lot of time on your own — so, the next few months were filled with solo hikes, beach trips and brunches. Whenever I felt fearful and wanted to hide out in my room, I’d pretend I was only in San Diego for a few days…how would I spend my time if that was the case? Certainly not in my apartment. Before long, I started to meet like-minded people. Pretty soon, I was part of a beach volleyball team, I had a music-loving friend to go to concerts with and I made one of my best friends at a local wine festival! Within a year I was living the life I had dreamed-up for myself! But, I had that gut-feeling that San Diego wasn’t my final destiny, and after another year, a new dream was rising to the surface.
Starting over…again.
Sometimes, no matter how wonderful a city you live in, it just isn’t enough. I loved living in San Diego, but I was weighed down by a new realization that I was in the wrong work situation. I finally opened my eyes to this when I was summoned for jury duty and literally prayed for a long-term trial, so I wouldn’t have to go back to work. I knew I needed to make another, even bigger change to truly find happiness.
My dad mentioned moving back home to Ohio for a bit to figure things out. As a 31-year-old, the thought of moving back in with my parents was hard to succumb to. Leave the beach for my childhood bedroom? Eventually, I swallowed my pride (and a lot of wine) and made the decision that in order to really figure out what my dream career is without the weight of paying rent (which ain’t cheap in SoCal), I needed to head home. I was moving home with confidence though, because I knew having started over once before, I could do it again. Today marks one year since my last day working at my last job. I didn’t know at the time what I was going to do next, but I trusted myself to figure it out. I trusted my heart to lead me there.
The takeaway.
Everyone is different, and your journey will look a lot different than mine. But if something in your heart is pulling you to another job or another place, pay attention! Listening to that pull will be the best decision you ever make. And, every time you feel lost or afraid, sit down with your journal, take a deep breath, and let your thoughts and a pen transport you to the future, to the life you will create. Then…get to work! I have all the faith in the world you can make it happen.
